I haven’t blogged in a few days. Part of that was because I blogged on two days I normally do not blog, another part was because I was spending time with my almost 2 year old, another part was because I was spending time with my husband, and another part of that was because I had a toothache that would not go away…however despite all of that i am back now, and I want to talk about something that I have been thinking about since I saw it. I’m just going to be writing today, I have no idea how it will come out, so if it is too much for you, or it just feels like I’m rambling, or if you don’t like when someone just talks, then you don’t have to read this. It’s ok…I will completely understand 🙂
“Feeling is the way to healing”
I saw this saying on twitter by one of my favorite youtubers (Ingrid Nilsen) and I just could not stop thinking about it all week. Every time I thought about writing something about it on this blog, I just couldn’t. But now I can because of the way that I am feeling. I have been trying to understand how to feel when I am not sure how to feel, therefore since I don’t know how to feel, I don’t know how to heal. I think a lot, and when I feel something, I really feel it, and I don’t forget the feeling. Some people might say this is a bad thing, and this can be a bad thing, but to me…it’s a way of coping with so many issues that I have about myself and with others. I feel confused, hurt, lost, overjoyed, glad, sad, happy, and all of these feelings really scare me to death. They are feelings that I can not understand. They are feelings that I just can’t overcome and heal from. I want to, I want to forget about so many things, people, events…but I can’t. I want to not feel like I have lost myself, but that is what I feel. I’m so not connected to who I am anymore…I’m not connected to who was..I’m connected to what I feel inside…and that’s destructive. When I feel…I want to feel…I don’t want to let go of anything, I don’t want to forget any moment of that feeling. I don’t want to disconnect from the feeling…I want to feel it all…no matter how painful, happy, seductive..loneliness..sad..depressed..confused…I feel…I want to feel it all…The moment when I feel it…is the moment I start to heal. And it’s interesting to me, how when you are made to feel something, that is when you have the option to heal from it. When you see a therapist, or a psychologist…they often make you go back to when you felt the way you felt…sometimes it’s a place that you don’t want to go back to, that you want to forget, that you feel the most pain in or whatever, and they make you feel it…because when you feel it, you can start to understand it, change it, and heal from it. I’m a fighter, a dreamer, an emotional personal…and my emotions can go all over the place, but when I feel…what I feel, that is when I feel the most alive, and that is when I know I can start to heal. I know this may not make sense to a lot of you…but I’m just writing today, and this is what I’m writing. When you feel…Feel to eventually heal…don’t feel to linger, but feel to fight and heal whatever is there. It’s ok to cry…just know that when you finally let yourself feel, you can finally let yourself heal.
Question of the week:
Are you ok with “feeling to heal…or do you feel to linger?” This is a weird question, but I think it can have a really great meaning to someone who actually reads it and thinks about it for awhile.